*Warning*
*This post will contain a lot of quotes, because I love quotes.*
Where to start... let's start this of with a quote from UNKLE:
Life? Your whole life is changes, you go through changes in your life.
Now that's used, I'll tell you a little bit about mine. 7 years ago I moved away from home, far away, to Finland, alone, parents abroad, friends back home, not knowing anyone here... Best and worse decision I've ever made. All went well, managed to make new friends fairly quick as, being the "foreigner" everyone wanted to know why I came all the way to Finland. Some of these friends still with me and honestly, wouldn't change anything. I'll tell you why.
I'm not an easy person, although I'm not the person I was 7 years ago when I moved here I'm still, in a way hard to be with.
-"Maybe being like this was because of my break-up?"
Well, I'll tell you about it. Started off as a normal relationship. I was over the moon because, back then I was a fat kid and even though I know size has nothing to do with "beauty", it's something I've been struggling with for years and years. Confidence in myself has never been my thing, being rejected by girls I've fell in love with over the years and them then falling for a guy half my size put me down even if size wasn't the problem... Was it me then?
Yes, finally a fit, good looking girl fell for me and things started moving quick. Moved in together after 2 months of dating and things were great! Confidence went up, tummy got bigger and she was still there... BOOM! Engaged. I thought she was the one but she didn't, no worries I don't blame her. She was an active person and I would rather play video games so I get it, not what was promised. She found another guy and yes, skinnier than me. AGAIN, I know that wasn't the reason but my head got messed up and that was all I could think about. Thats when depression hit..
-"How do I make myself likeable?"
After the break-up things went downhill for me. Seeking for attention, getting people worried about me because of my stupidity, constant drinking, not having the "dream girl" next to you... Things took a bad turn. Then I found myself going out for runs 1, 2 or maybe 3 times a day just to prove to [her] that I can change, like she wanted. I admit I did it for her attention, but then started to forget her and focused on the training. I started eating healthier and just determined that if I keep on going, I'll find someone better. It helped, lost about 7Kg.
-"When did I apply for a job in Helsinki?"
I was so messed up in Joensuu, I didn't even remember applying for a job in the capital city. Phone rang, interview date sorted. Group interview where only I showed up, 2nd interview with the store manager and POW! Time to move to Helsinki.
-"Shit, what happened?"
Finally "stable", got a job and an apartment and once a-f*cking-gain I fell for a girl... This time I thought I was handling it well. Confidence was ok, looks were ok as I had lost 10 more Kg (32 in total) and things going well (or so I thought). Ghosted. FML. Downhill started, rolled almost all the way down. Hit a rock. Bounced back up. Found another one later on, dated, broke it. The last one wasn't me, things happened when you're drunk and I didn't want to be hurt again. No hard feelings.
-"The Re-up"
This year started well, parties, friends, and even a tattoo to prove my friendship to two amazing girls. Scarred for life, always there. Then my uncle passed away... We were besties at the time, man I miss him and got messed up after that. Luckily I had friends there for me and it made the suffering suck less. Things started going uphill again for a while; holidays, more parties and tattoos. Which brings me to more or less today.
"New beginning?"
I'm not easy to handle. I give a lot of love but my feelings tend to go deep, and I'm sensitive because of my past. From the outside nobody can hurt me, but if you're in my circle and you screw it up you might as well just take the knife out and but it back in again. Almost lost someone I love and would do anything for because I can control myself. On the other hand, I feel great. I just recently got my confidence boosted 100% thanks to my own mistake so... What do I do now? I can't fall for someone or the same person again because its like poking a boulder, it'll never move.
Honestly, all this is just a minor problem in life and I know, it shouldn't worry me. But what can I do if I'm just a hopeless romantic? Dreams and wishes don't always come true, and neither do miracles.
*This post will contain a lot of quotes, because I love quotes.*
Where to start... let's start this of with a quote from UNKLE:
Life? Your whole life is changes, you go through changes in your life.
Now that's used, I'll tell you a little bit about mine. 7 years ago I moved away from home, far away, to Finland, alone, parents abroad, friends back home, not knowing anyone here... Best and worse decision I've ever made. All went well, managed to make new friends fairly quick as, being the "foreigner" everyone wanted to know why I came all the way to Finland. Some of these friends still with me and honestly, wouldn't change anything. I'll tell you why.
I'm not an easy person, although I'm not the person I was 7 years ago when I moved here I'm still, in a way hard to be with.
-"Maybe being like this was because of my break-up?"
Well, I'll tell you about it. Started off as a normal relationship. I was over the moon because, back then I was a fat kid and even though I know size has nothing to do with "beauty", it's something I've been struggling with for years and years. Confidence in myself has never been my thing, being rejected by girls I've fell in love with over the years and them then falling for a guy half my size put me down even if size wasn't the problem... Was it me then?
Yes, finally a fit, good looking girl fell for me and things started moving quick. Moved in together after 2 months of dating and things were great! Confidence went up, tummy got bigger and she was still there... BOOM! Engaged. I thought she was the one but she didn't, no worries I don't blame her. She was an active person and I would rather play video games so I get it, not what was promised. She found another guy and yes, skinnier than me. AGAIN, I know that wasn't the reason but my head got messed up and that was all I could think about. Thats when depression hit..
-"How do I make myself likeable?"
After the break-up things went downhill for me. Seeking for attention, getting people worried about me because of my stupidity, constant drinking, not having the "dream girl" next to you... Things took a bad turn. Then I found myself going out for runs 1, 2 or maybe 3 times a day just to prove to [her] that I can change, like she wanted. I admit I did it for her attention, but then started to forget her and focused on the training. I started eating healthier and just determined that if I keep on going, I'll find someone better. It helped, lost about 7Kg.
-"When did I apply for a job in Helsinki?"
I was so messed up in Joensuu, I didn't even remember applying for a job in the capital city. Phone rang, interview date sorted. Group interview where only I showed up, 2nd interview with the store manager and POW! Time to move to Helsinki.
-"Shit, what happened?"
Finally "stable", got a job and an apartment and once a-f*cking-gain I fell for a girl... This time I thought I was handling it well. Confidence was ok, looks were ok as I had lost 10 more Kg (32 in total) and things going well (or so I thought). Ghosted. FML. Downhill started, rolled almost all the way down. Hit a rock. Bounced back up. Found another one later on, dated, broke it. The last one wasn't me, things happened when you're drunk and I didn't want to be hurt again. No hard feelings.
-"The Re-up"
This year started well, parties, friends, and even a tattoo to prove my friendship to two amazing girls. Scarred for life, always there. Then my uncle passed away... We were besties at the time, man I miss him and got messed up after that. Luckily I had friends there for me and it made the suffering suck less. Things started going uphill again for a while; holidays, more parties and tattoos. Which brings me to more or less today.
"New beginning?"
I'm not easy to handle. I give a lot of love but my feelings tend to go deep, and I'm sensitive because of my past. From the outside nobody can hurt me, but if you're in my circle and you screw it up you might as well just take the knife out and but it back in again. Almost lost someone I love and would do anything for because I can control myself. On the other hand, I feel great. I just recently got my confidence boosted 100% thanks to my own mistake so... What do I do now? I can't fall for someone or the same person again because its like poking a boulder, it'll never move.
Honestly, all this is just a minor problem in life and I know, it shouldn't worry me. But what can I do if I'm just a hopeless romantic? Dreams and wishes don't always come true, and neither do miracles.
One second you've got the most beautiful girl in the world, next second you don't even have a girlfriend no more - UNKLE
